A step parent’s role is always more complicated than a biological parent. A biological parent has a well-marked area and level of authority over own child, known to both the child and parent.
But, a step parent, in absence of any defined role to play, has to achieve a fragile balance between authority and friendship, which again differs from home to home.
Three Steps To Being A Step Parent
1. Try to be a friend:
In the most cases biological parents try to build a parent -child relationship, but for a step parent this attempt may spoil such entire relationship. The step child, if he/she is very young, may not accept the step parent as his/her own parent and may get hostile or rebellious. The problem aggravates if the child is a teenager. He/she will go out of his/her own way and will try to show you that you are not at all a parent to him/her. So, it is better to build a friendly relationship at the beginning, it may help you to avoid future power struggle with the child.
2. Small gift of friendship:
The value of a gift to a child is never determined by its money value. It has to be tangible, may be small but meaningful to the child. If the child is very much stressed for the upcoming test, give him/her your lucky rabbit, childhood mascot, you can take your teenage step daughter out to celebrate when the test is over.
3. Be an available, not an overbearing parent:
The most important and difficult task for a step parent is to create a delicate balance between a parent-child relationship and having control over them. The child may prefer the company of their friends or someone from own age group. You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
If you want to teach them something, they may not like it. But, you should wait and let them feel that your offer to teach is still there. If they ever decide to learn, they will come back to you with a respect for you in mind, because you never forced them, have given a respect to their power and space to think.
If you follow these 3 tips in all your interaction with your step child, he will gradually open himself up to you and respect you as “new mom” or “new dad”. Otherwise any forceful act in this direction involves double duty-first, repair work to the broken relationship and second, building a positive one.